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[too late. we're already in the battle screen.]

I'll count it, but that was not what I asked.

[Pause.

Deep breath.

Be brave, Kirito.]

Then. One date!

[. . . . .]

One date.

[B E B R A V E]

Yes. One date. We had dinner.

Kirito.

You confessed by kissing her after what sounded like intense emotional trauma, while she was blaming herself for something bad that happened to you. You had one date, at her house of all places. And then you asked her to marry you. You're also refusing to give me the timeframe this all happened in, so I'm pretty sure the answer to that is going to be pretty damning as well.

You understand why I'm a little concerned by this, right?

[....

....

....

Excuse him for a minute, he needs to be utterly horrified for a while.]

Y-you think... she said yes... because of that...?

[internal screaming]

[She has to take a moment, and honestly... That pause is probably pretty damning on its own. But she really does have to think.

The amnesiac who first woke up in Takshaka's dorms with no memories... would have said yes without a second thought. That's what the logic points to, and nice things just don't happen. Nothing works out so nicely like it's a storybook. As for who she was before... Aiya would have said no, of course not. Not because she really believed him, but because confrontation is scary, and she doesn't actually know Kirito that well yet.

On the other hand, by now, she's changed. She understands herself, and feelings a bit better, though she's still not great. And she's more willing to try to connect with people. She tries to understand people now, and make friends. And, well... The real question here, underneath everything is 'does she trust Kirito'.]

... I don't. I don't think you're the kind of person to pressure someone like that. Even accidentally, you seem devoted enough that you would have noticed if something was wrong, I hope.

It's more likely I'm just missing some details here. Something that makes it... not like that.

[She's going quiet there, waiting for him. There has to be something he can fill in here to prove her point.]

[He's quiet for a long moment at that, mulling over her words. A year ago, when he was still fresh out of SAO, the fear she'd suddenly instilled in him would have stuck like glue, and he wouldn't be able to shake it until he saw Asuna again and could ask her directly. Nightingale had some good points- it had been emotional, and he'd acted impulsively, out of desperation to keep her close to him before he could potentially lose her forever. The person he'd been back then had been weak and pathetic, doubted everything, closed himself off from the world selfishly, to protect himself.

But he wasn't the same person anymore. And before he lets himself drown in fear and doubt, he thinks about the time that's passed since- all those months free from the game, seeing her day after day, finding ways to make her smile, letting her pull him out of the stupid unnecessary shell he'd built up over the years for no good reason.

Pathetic as he is, Asuna isn't the sort of person who would stay with him out of pity or some sense of responsibility.]

Marriage... in that world... it's different. When you get married there, your partner sees everything. Your stat window. Your location. Inventory and money is shared. Supplies are ridiculously expensive. In a world where having a potion or teleportation crystal can mean the difference between living or dying, sharing an inventory is literally putting your life in someone else's hands. A proposal is... a way of telling someone that you trust them. With your very life.

[His arms tighten, hugging the box of those stupid cat shoes, just to have something to cling to. He can't worry about this. It isn't right.

Like back then, he has to trust in her choice.]

Back then... after we got married, I asked her if our relationship only existed in that world. She got so mad... she said it didn't matter if the world was real or virtual. How we felt, what we experienced there- that was what's actually real. She said she'd find me and love me on the other side, too.

[He finally lifts his head, smiling faintly; there's pain there, because god does he miss her more than ever, now. If she were here, she'd surely have set Nightingale straight far more coherently and convincingly than he ever could. All he can do is his best without her.]

I can't tell you that it wasn't a reckless thing to do at the time. But if I told you I regretted it, I'd be lying, and Asuna would definitely punch me for it. We're dating now, properly, and if we get married again, it'll be the right way, for the right reasons. But... we're both happy.

[She nods.]

That's what's important.

[It's said easily, but with finality. She believes it, and she trusts him. And the explanation does help. So... Now it's her turn to explain. Aiya spent her whole life trying to weather her family's bad moods, so as KY as she can be, she can tell when someone's upset. It's just a survival tactic. And so... She can tell how upset this conversation made him.

And, well. Kirito knows just how much she hates herself, but seeing how much she upset someone who she likes and calls a friend... It only makes it worse. Maybe Kirito will forgive her.]

Those things you mentioned... Stats, location, inventory and money... In my world, those aren't part of marriage, those bonuses come automatically with being in a party. And being in a party with someone... No matter how much you like or dislike them, it's putting your life in your party's hands. Even if that life is a bit cheaper in my world than yours.

[She pauses, shaking her head. That's not it- There was more. But Kirito does know a lot about her, but how much? He was in her heart game, but how much did he see? When she tries to remember, it's like trying to recall an old dream, where the details are nonsense and just won't come together...]

... I'm sorry. I... I overreacted. Based on my own experiences, I... read into it wrong, and I said some stupid things. So... I'm sorry.

[And now that this mood is well and truly ruined, she pulls that box from earlier back out and just sets it on a random shelf somewhere. Sorry, whatever poor worker has to put that away. But the contest just doesn't seem funny anymore. And she owes Kirito more explanation than that, but... This isn't the place for it.]

... Want to go get something to drink? It might help.

Ah... yeah. I'd like that, actually.

[He tries to give his eyes a rub as subtly as he can, probably failing, and lifts the box again.]

Meet you outside in a minute? I'm going to get these. You went through the trouble of finding them for me, so I don't want to waste that.

[And maybe he can manage to compose himself somewhat in the meantime. He's not angry with her or anything, more upset that her words managed to stir up any doubt at all. He'd just honestly never thought that Asuna's response could have been anything but sincere.]

Yeah. I'll... Meet you outside. I'll ask around and see if I can find a good place.

[Of course, she still doesn't have shoes herself, but that can wait. A drink sounds more important right now.]

[They can come back later or something. Get through the entire store without talking about anything sad. Surely they could manage that.

Either way, he'll be out a minute later, bag tucked under his arm, dry-eyed and calm again, like the whole conversation hadn't even happened.]

Did you find a place?

A couple. There's a nice cafe and a shitty bar. Which one?

Is that even a choice?

[One of these things is not like the other.]

The cafe.

I, for one, would not mind getting completely smashed right now, but... Cafe it is.

[the bar is always a choice, just usually a very bad one.

She starts walking, at least, and the cafe is in fact very nice, and very close, because the thread is more convenient that way.]

[He's kind of wondering why she asked if she had a preference - just being polite maybe? - and if he ought to have let her choose, but ugh, his socializing fails again. All he can do is follow. This is what you get for hanging out with a non-drinker.

...He does feel bad, though-]

Um, if you'd rather go there instead...

No. I'm pretty sure I've done enough stupid shit you're not comfortable with today for one day. Or one lifetime.

[She's not even slowing down.]

[Ugh, okay, so much for that. It's all he can do to keep up with her. (Should've worn the shoes out of the store.) But once they're settled in he'll have to apologize properly.

For now, following quietly like a kicked puppy.]

[no, kirito, why

She's going to go get a cold sweet tea and find a table to sit at, at least.]

[he gets guilt complexes too okay

He gets an absurdly fancy latte and follows her to the table, fidgeting uncomfortably.]

Look, um... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you.

It's not your fault. I...

[... honestly, she seems more interested in holding onto her tea than drinking it.]

It's sort of a sore spot, I guess. Back home, I was getting pressured to marry. It was pretty bad.

Oh, man.

[That is a pretty damn legit reason to get suspicious about what he'd said.]

I'm so sorry. What happened...?

[She shrugs.]

My parents decided I was never going to live up to their expectations, so they wanted me to hurry up and have a child so they could try again. I got... set up on a date, once. With a guy, of course.

[She's pretty sure Kirito's aware of just how incredibly homosexual she is, so.]

But I hadn't been told it was a date. I thought it was just one of those upper-class socializing and networking things. So... At the end, when he suddenly kissed me out of nowhere, I was... pretty upset.

...Ugh... now I get why you were suspicious. That's horrible.

[It wasn't so terrible with Asuna, since they'd at least known one another for a long time and she'd happily reciprocated after the shock wore off, but to kiss a stranger out of the blue? Even he's not that fail at social cues.]

Yeah.

... I'm sorry I got suspicious like that. You can see the parallels there, so... The story just hit close to home, in a bad way, you know?

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i clicked send, dewindowed for a day, and then found out it didn't send, fuck me