experiencepoints | IC contact post!

[There's a significant pause as Nightingale processes this, and when she replies, it's in text so Beverly can't see or hear her.]

As soon as possible, please. Do you want to meet at the fox park on the Iskaulit? It's almost done.

Yes, I can meet you there in half an hour.

[True to her word, Beverly is waiting at the fox park exactly thirty minutes later, unopened envelope in hand. When Nightingale enters, Beverly gives her a sympathetic look and silently holds out the letter to her.]

If you want to read it alone, I can go, but if you would like me to stay, I can do that too. Whatever you need.

[She enters with her head lowered, and lets Stratus scamper off into the park to play in the snow. But when she hears Beverly's words, she goes very, very still at that, not responding, like she's analyzing the offer for hidden meanings, before slowly reaching out to take the letter.]

... Did you read it already?

[There's no accusation in her voice. She just doesn't expect anything else- Privacy is something she's never had before. The idea that someone wouldn't look at a letter addressed to her is a foreign concept.

But she doesn't know if she wants Beverly there, or to be alone. That's not an option she's ever been given before, either. So maybe Beverly would know better, if she knows what's in the letter.]

[Beverly, on the other hand, would never dream of looking at something so personal to Nightingale. Frowning, she shakes her head. Had Nightingale's tone been more accusatory, she'd have taken offense, but mostly she's confused at how Nightingale seems to accept that idea so casually.]

No, of course not. I only read my own, nobody else's.

Oh.

[... yeah, that's all she can say, with a vaguely confused look. Still, she recovers after a moment, shaking her head.]

... I wouldn't mind company, if you're really willing, but... You can leave whenever you need to. Or if I need to be alone afterwards, I can say something then.

[This is the closest she can get to asking to not go through this alone, really. But she doesn't want to be a bother for Beverly, since it's her own problems...]

[Aww Nightingale. They've had their differences and it's been a somewhat bumpy road getting over Beverly's initial negative first impression of her, but she's never been one to abandon someone who needs her, whether it be for medical or emotional support.

Besides, this is hard for her too, harder than she is letting on right now. Natasha leaving comes as a particular blow after the terrible week she's had. A terrible week as evidenced by her black eye, which is at least not quite as startling as it had been earlier in the week.]

I can stay as long as you want.

... Thank you.

[And that promise is what finally gets her yo look up and stop avoiding Beverly's gaze, where... she finally notices that black eye.]

Before this, though... Are you all right? Do you need a healing spell?

[... Of course, it's a fairly transparent attempt to stall. She's worried about Beverly, but she's also scared to open the letter and see what's inside. For all her progress, she still can't help but worry she's going to be blamed, that Natasha left because of her. She knows it's irrational, but some things are just too deeply ingrained to get over so quickly.]

Ah... [Her hand goes up to her cheekbone, gently probing the edge of the bruising. She'd given so many explanations recently that she forgot there were some people who still didn't know.] I'm fine. Don't worry, Allen took good care of it. It looks worse than it feels.

Edited 2016-03-21 19:22 (UTC)

If you're sure. It's like four MP, so... Consider the offer open.

[That was a short-lived stall, wasn't it. She glances towards Stratus, but with even the fox of all things behaving itself, she's out of ways to delay this. So all she can do now is carefully open the envelope and start to read.]

[Four MP? What the heck does that mean?]

Thank you. I'll let you know if I change my mind.

[And then she waits, focusing her attention for the moment on Stratus playing in the park, so Nightingale doesn't feel like she's being stared at as she reads her letter. She wanders a bit, taking in all the work that Nightingale has done. Very impressive!]

[... yeah, that does it. She starts crying on the spot, though she's trying to keep it quiet.]

My world isn't a game, you asshole...

[though there's no venom in her voice, she just sounds... well, crushed.]

[And oh, as soon as she starts crying, Beverly's there, trying to keep her own tears in check because in truth, she's on the edge of crying herself already. Losing Natasha may not be surprising - anybody's fair game here - but it doesn't make it hurt any less.]

Nightingale...

[She rests her hand on Nightingale's shoulder, wanting to offer a hug but not entirely sure if that would be welcome.]

[The hug would have been the better option, really. She's not going to make any indication that she wants one- the way she was raised, that would never be allowed. She's taking the hand on her shoulder as a reminder that she isn't alone here, so she needs to put on a brave face. She wipes away her tears as fast as she can, but it's pretty futile, as they keep coming.]

I'm- Sorry, I'll be okay in a minute, really. I'm used to this by now. This is the third time, after all.

[She shakes her head and her hand moves to cup Nightingale's cheek ever so gently. She knows that brave face because it's one she's had to put on many a time before.]

You don't have to apologize. There's no shame in crying or in letting yourself mourn.

[She freezes on that contact, like she's afraid to make any movements, but after a moment, continues to rub at her eyes, just... much softer and moving as little as she can.]

It shouldn't be something to mourn, right? Wherever she is, she's not here, at the Atroma's mercy anymore...

[When Nightingale freezes, Beverly immediately draws her hand away. Too much?]

That's true, but that doesn't mean we aren't allowed to miss her.

... Like I said, it's the third time. I open up to someone, and they leave, just leaving behind a letter rather than saying anything themselves...

I should be used to this by now.

[Oh, Natasha, your infuriating insistence on keeping your distance isn't any easier, no matter how much you claim it might be. Beverly shakes her head.]

Natasha is not good at opening up. She's very good at listening, but... It's safer that way, especially with the life she's had. I suspect these letters were the only way she could let herself say how she feels.

And at least this time, it's not like she left on purpose, but... Why does this keep happening? Can't she say this sort of thing in person?

[God this is heartbreaking and Beverly can't help but feel a little guilty at how she's acted towards Nightingale in the past. Even if she can't tell all of Natasha's secrets, the poor girl deserves some explanation. She takes Nightingale's hands in hers and looks at her with firm compassion.]

Listen to me Nightingale. It's not you. It's nothing you did and it's not your fault. In her world, she's made a lot of enemies, people who won't hesitate to hurt or even kill those she loves to get to her. She's had to learn to keep people at a distance, never let anyone know how much she cares, in order to protect them... And to protect herself too. Losing people that way - it's nearly impossible not to blame yourself for those deaths. I don't think she could quite ever convince herself that the same thing wasn't going to happen here with Atroma.

For what it's worth, I don't think she was right, I only know why she did it, and I do understand it.

I'm already dead, so what does it even matter...

[She is aware she's acting childish, though, and she rubs her face to try to compose herself, looking back and finally making eye contact with Beverly... and flinching and looking away again. She tried, at least?]

Sorry. I- I do understand what you mean, and... I know what it's like to be in that position.

And I know you didn't have to tell me any of this, but you are anyway, so... Thank you.

Of course I had to. You deserved to know.

[She studies Nightingale's face for a moment, wondering at that flinch, at her inability to maintain eye contact.]

I'm sorry, that people keep leaving you. It's not fair.

[she shakes her head. her face is... well, a mess of complicated emotions, but mostly just grief and loneliness.]

... At least she left a note. Most of the my team never managed even that much. The ones who did are the ones who left me willingly. But once they were gone, we lost six people in twelve days, because... I'm just not someone people would stay for, I guess.

I'm so tired of being left alone.

[Okay that's it. Beverly can't stop herself any longer: Nightingale is getting a hug. A good solid one too, though she's careful not to hold too tightly.]

[She goes very tense and still for a minute, like she's not entirely sure what's going on- Like she's expecting this to hurt her somehow.

But after a slight moment, she manages to relax, and even try to hug back, though she's really awkward and stiff about it.

It's about like this, honestly.]

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