[And then she waits, focusing her attention for the moment on Stratus playing in the park, so Nightingale doesn't feel like she's being stared at as she reads her letter. She wanders a bit, taking in all the work that Nightingale has done. Very impressive!]
[And oh, as soon as she starts crying, Beverly's there, trying to keep her own tears in check because in truth, she's on the edge of crying herself already. Losing Natasha may not be surprising - anybody's fair game here - but it doesn't make it hurt any less.]
Nightingale...
[She rests her hand on Nightingale's shoulder, wanting to offer a hug but not entirely sure if that would be welcome.]
[The hug would have been the better option, really. She's not going to make any indication that she wants one- the way she was raised, that would never be allowed. She's taking the hand on her shoulder as a reminder that she isn't alone here, so she needs to put on a brave face. She wipes away her tears as fast as she can, but it's pretty futile, as they keep coming.]
I'm- Sorry, I'll be okay in a minute, really. I'm used to this by now. This is the third time, after all.
[She shakes her head and her hand moves to cup Nightingale's cheek ever so gently. She knows that brave face because it's one she's had to put on many a time before.]
You don't have to apologize. There's no shame in crying or in letting yourself mourn.
[She freezes on that contact, like she's afraid to make any movements, but after a moment, continues to rub at her eyes, just... much softer and moving as little as she can.]
It shouldn't be something to mourn, right? Wherever she is, she's not here, at the Atroma's mercy anymore...
[Oh, Natasha, your infuriating insistence on keeping your distance isn't any easier, no matter how much you claim it might be. Beverly shakes her head.]
Natasha is not good at opening up. She's very good at listening, but... It's safer that way, especially with the life she's had. I suspect these letters were the only way she could let herself say how she feels.
[God this is heartbreaking and Beverly can't help but feel a little guilty at how she's acted towards Nightingale in the past. Even if she can't tell all of Natasha's secrets, the poor girl deserves some explanation. She takes Nightingale's hands in hers and looks at her with firm compassion.]
Listen to me Nightingale. It's not you. It's nothing you did and it's not your fault. In her world, she's made a lot of enemies, people who won't hesitate to hurt or even kill those she loves to get to her. She's had to learn to keep people at a distance, never let anyone know how much she cares, in order to protect them... And to protect herself too. Losing people that way - it's nearly impossible not to blame yourself for those deaths. I don't think she could quite ever convince herself that the same thing wasn't going to happen here with Atroma.
For what it's worth, I don't think she was right, I only know why she did it, and I do understand it.
[She is aware she's acting childish, though, and she rubs her face to try to compose herself, looking back and finally making eye contact with Beverly... and flinching and looking away again. She tried, at least?]
Sorry. I- I do understand what you mean, and... I know what it's like to be in that position.
And I know you didn't have to tell me any of this, but you are anyway, so... Thank you.
[she shakes her head. her face is... well, a mess of complicated emotions, but mostly just grief and loneliness.]
... At least she left a note. Most of the my team never managed even that much. The ones who did are the ones who left me willingly. But once they were gone, we lost six people in twelve days, because... I'm just not someone people would stay for, I guess.
[Okay that's it. Beverly can't stop herself any longer: Nightingale is getting a hug. A good solid one too, though she's careful not to hold too tightly.]
[Okay. Not so used to hugs. They'll get there. After a moment, she pulls away, enough to look at Nightingale again.]
I know we didn't exactly get off on the best foot when we met and I can't promise I won't leave - I can't make that promise to anyone as long as Atroma is in control. But as long as I am here if you can always call me or come for a visit or anything if you're starting to feel too lonely. No one should be alone, especially not here.
[Yep. You're adopted now, it's official. Who would have thought they'd get to this point?]
... Is that really okay? After all, you don't even like me, and I've given you no reason to... I'm not even useful here.
[The pieces are probably starting to come together a bit for Beverly, at least, with how Nightingale works. Obviously, no one could like her if she's not useful.]
I... If it's okay, I would like to be friends, but... I don't understand. How can being useless not matter?
[Considering she frames her self-worth in terms of being useful, that original conversation about murdering the Atroma probably takes a much different light.]
[It is starting to make more sense… in fact, many of her actions are. She was trying to prove herself - with neither her or Beverly understanding the cultural divide between them.]
You’re a person, not a tool or a means to an end. I don’t pick my friends based on what they can do for me, but because we can trust each other and like spending time together and care about one another.
Besides, I don’t believe anyone is useless. Everybody has a talent or something they enjoy doing, even if they haven’t discovered that something yet.
I'll help you. We'll figure this out together, okay? I used to have a hard time making friends too, when I was your age. Always managed to put my foot in my mouth and upset someone.
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Thank you. I'll let you know if I change my mind.
[And then she waits, focusing her attention for the moment on Stratus playing in the park, so Nightingale doesn't feel like she's being stared at as she reads her letter. She wanders a bit, taking in all the work that Nightingale has done. Very impressive!]
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My world isn't a game, you asshole...
[though there's no venom in her voice, she just sounds... well, crushed.]
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Nightingale...
[She rests her hand on Nightingale's shoulder, wanting to offer a hug but not entirely sure if that would be welcome.]
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I'm- Sorry, I'll be okay in a minute, really. I'm used to this by now. This is the third time, after all.
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You don't have to apologize. There's no shame in crying or in letting yourself mourn.
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It shouldn't be something to mourn, right? Wherever she is, she's not here, at the Atroma's mercy anymore...
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That's true, but that doesn't mean we aren't allowed to miss her.
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I should be used to this by now.
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Natasha is not good at opening up. She's very good at listening, but... It's safer that way, especially with the life she's had. I suspect these letters were the only way she could let herself say how she feels.
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Listen to me Nightingale. It's not you. It's nothing you did and it's not your fault. In her world, she's made a lot of enemies, people who won't hesitate to hurt or even kill those she loves to get to her. She's had to learn to keep people at a distance, never let anyone know how much she cares, in order to protect them... And to protect herself too. Losing people that way - it's nearly impossible not to blame yourself for those deaths. I don't think she could quite ever convince herself that the same thing wasn't going to happen here with Atroma.
For what it's worth, I don't think she was right, I only know why she did it, and I do understand it.
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[She is aware she's acting childish, though, and she rubs her face to try to compose herself, looking back and finally making eye contact with Beverly... and flinching and looking away again. She tried, at least?]
Sorry. I- I do understand what you mean, and... I know what it's like to be in that position.
And I know you didn't have to tell me any of this, but you are anyway, so... Thank you.
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[She studies Nightingale's face for a moment, wondering at that flinch, at her inability to maintain eye contact.]
I'm sorry, that people keep leaving you. It's not fair.
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... At least she left a note. Most of the my team never managed even that much. The ones who did are the ones who left me willingly. But once they were gone, we lost six people in twelve days, because... I'm just not someone people would stay for, I guess.
I'm so tired of being left alone.
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But after a slight moment, she manages to relax, and even try to hug back, though she's really awkward and stiff about it.
It's about like this, honestly.]
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I know we didn't exactly get off on the best foot when we met and I can't promise I won't leave - I can't make that promise to anyone as long as Atroma is in control. But as long as I am here if you can always call me or come for a visit or anything if you're starting to feel too lonely. No one should be alone, especially not here.
[Yep. You're adopted now, it's official. Who would have thought they'd get to this point?]
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... Is that really okay? After all, you don't even like me, and I've given you no reason to... I'm not even useful here.
[The pieces are probably starting to come together a bit for Beverly, at least, with how Nightingale works. Obviously, no one could like her if she's not useful.]
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You're right, that it will take some time to build trust between us, but that doesn't mean we can't be friends. I want to help and I know you do too.
[Pause.]
But I want you to know usefulness has nothing to do with how I feel about you or anybody else.
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[Considering she frames her self-worth in terms of being useful, that original conversation about murdering the Atroma probably takes a much different light.]
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You’re a person, not a tool or a means to an end. I don’t pick my friends based on what they can do for me, but because we can trust each other and like spending time together and care about one another.
Besides, I don’t believe anyone is useless. Everybody has a talent or something they enjoy doing, even if they haven’t discovered that something yet.
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I'm sorry. I'm... not good at being friends. I don't know how, or what I'm supposed to do, or say or not say. So...
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You did? But you're... I mean, I thought everyone around here likes you. You're good with people.
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Trust me, not everyone here likes me.
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