Gray Nightingale (Aiya) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
experiencepoints) wrote2015-02-14 09:03 pm
experiencepoints) wrote2015-02-14 09:03 pm
(no subject)
Signeg: They'll praise you. That's all you want.
Regained: Day 127
Haunt, Would You Rather
You're 14 years old now. It's the weekend, and you're using this time to relax for the first time in a long time, spending your morning sleeping in...
Except you're woken up early by your mother knocking on your door. "It's nearly nine o'clock." She says, walking in and opening your curtains to let the sun in on your face. "How long are you planning to sleep? If you let yourself become lazy, it will ruin you."
With effort, you roll out of bed and wake yourself up. You concede that it's true- If you mess up your sleep cycle, you'll regret it when the weekend ends. If you go into school without sleep, you'll do worse... You can't allow that. But that's fine. You've already done your homework for the weekend, so you have a weekend of fun to look forward to. You saved up your allowance, the week before, and bought a new outfit just for the next time you hung out with your friends... It's not your normal style, but it works, you think. You look yourself over in the mirror and nod. The skirt's a little short, but it looks good with your long socks, and the shirt is bright and colorful... It's definitely unusual, but it's trendy, and maybe they'll agree it looks good. You can't wait to show them, and then show Yura and Araj later...
You try to act casual as you head downstairs and begin making yourself breakfast. You're not paying careful attention, and end up accidentally making a bit too much, but... Well, leftovers can always be saved for later. You sit down with your plate (you did make a lot, eggs and toast, mixed with fried apples, a pile of bacon, there's no way you can finish this all), but before you can take more than a couple of bites, your mother walks in again and stops, looking at you. Ah, she noticed your clothes, you wait for her to say-
"Aiya." She sounds stern. "Have you lost all self-control?"
Not that. You feel a pit form in your stomach. "What? I... I'm sorry. What do you mean?"
"How much do you intend to eat?" She asks. "Do you think you can afford to gain weight? What will others think of you?" You become self-conscious immediately, looking down at yourself. You weren't... You thought you looked fine, but was that just arrogance? You weren't really overweight, were you? You could give them the rest of your food- They like your cooking, right? You're good at it, right?
You open your mouth to protest, but she cuts you off. "And those garish clothes... What do you think you're wearing?"
"I- I bought them last week." You explain feebly. "I thought it would look..."
"This is the influence of that Beast Tribe girl, isn't it." Her mouth thins into a disapproving line, and you feel a chill run through you.
"No! I bought this for myself." You protest- It's not about defending yourself anymore. But you can't let her talk that way about Yura. She's your best friend- Surely if you try hard enough your mother can see how great she is. "I wanted to look good, that's all!"
"By flashing the inside of your legs at the world?" She sounds disapproving still.
"No-! It's not that short-!" You feel yourself flush with embarrassment, voice raised in humiliation.
"Do not raise your voice at me, young lady." She cuts you off.
"I- I'm sorry." You bow your head, trying to control your temper. You shouldn't get upset like that, you know. It's your own fault for snapping at your mother like that.
"It's because you spend your time and money on this that your grades have begun to slip." Your mother sits down opposite of you. Your food lies on the table, becoming colder, but you no longer have an appetite for it.
"My grades are fine still, aren't they?"
"Since you've begun playing more with those girls, you've gone down to third place, Aiya."
"That's still a 96% average..." You say feebly, but you know it's not good enough. You knew as soon as you saw that they'd be upset with you, but you'd hoped they could be happy for you having fun with your friends...
"We expect more of you. You know this." Her stare continues burning holes in you, but you can't make eye contact. You can feel your eyes start to burn as you try to hold back tears.
"I- I'm sorry. I thought I could manage both my studies and my friends better..."
"... It is all right, Aiya." She concedes softly, and you blink up in surprise. For a moment, you feel your heart rise up in your chest in hope- Maybe she would say your friends are more important-
"Now that you know this, you know to devote more time to your studies." She continues, and you feel foolish for even hoping. She's right, of course- If you want a decent future, you have to study more. "Your father and I expect nothing less than the best from you. We know you are capable of it. You will spend more time studying and less wasting your money on things that don't suit you."
You nod bitterly, tears stinging at the back of your eyes. But, you have to try to choke them back. "I will. But today, I promised to meet Yura and Araj..."
Your mother gives you a pointed look. "You know which is more important. We can revisit this once you're first place again, but for now, this is final."
You choke out a "Okay, mom" and return to your room quickly, leaving your food downstairs. You can't trust your voice, so you send Yura a text message saying you can't make it after all, and then turn to look in the mirror. The outfit looked so cute on you before, but now, with your mother's words echoing in your head, you can only think about how much it doesn't suit you. Maybe it would look better on someone cuter than you, but what were you thinking, trying this yourself? You should have known this wouldn't work.
You change into more normal clothes for you, a nice shirt and long pants, and then throw your other outfit into the trash, where it belonged. That was stupid of you. But it's okay. You won't make that mistake again. You sit down with your math textbook, and try to wipe the tears out of your eyes. You'll do better. This time, you'll rocket right back to first, and get better clothes, and next time, they'll praise you. That's all you want. You'll definitely, absolutely make them proud.
Notes:With the mirror, it's really obvious whose memory this is, but also, Aiya's mother looks almost exactly like her, just older.
The memory also has the sense all the way through it of just... wanting to be praised. Wanting to make people proud of you. Especially your parents- But from the feelings, it doesn't feel like something that has ever happened before. But you're still desperate for it.
ALSO ADDITIONAL NOTE: The outfit at the start was, in fact, incredibly cute.
Regained: Day 127
Haunt, Would You Rather
You're 14 years old now. It's the weekend, and you're using this time to relax for the first time in a long time, spending your morning sleeping in...
Except you're woken up early by your mother knocking on your door. "It's nearly nine o'clock." She says, walking in and opening your curtains to let the sun in on your face. "How long are you planning to sleep? If you let yourself become lazy, it will ruin you."
With effort, you roll out of bed and wake yourself up. You concede that it's true- If you mess up your sleep cycle, you'll regret it when the weekend ends. If you go into school without sleep, you'll do worse... You can't allow that. But that's fine. You've already done your homework for the weekend, so you have a weekend of fun to look forward to. You saved up your allowance, the week before, and bought a new outfit just for the next time you hung out with your friends... It's not your normal style, but it works, you think. You look yourself over in the mirror and nod. The skirt's a little short, but it looks good with your long socks, and the shirt is bright and colorful... It's definitely unusual, but it's trendy, and maybe they'll agree it looks good. You can't wait to show them, and then show Yura and Araj later...
You try to act casual as you head downstairs and begin making yourself breakfast. You're not paying careful attention, and end up accidentally making a bit too much, but... Well, leftovers can always be saved for later. You sit down with your plate (you did make a lot, eggs and toast, mixed with fried apples, a pile of bacon, there's no way you can finish this all), but before you can take more than a couple of bites, your mother walks in again and stops, looking at you. Ah, she noticed your clothes, you wait for her to say-
"Aiya." She sounds stern. "Have you lost all self-control?"
Not that. You feel a pit form in your stomach. "What? I... I'm sorry. What do you mean?"
"How much do you intend to eat?" She asks. "Do you think you can afford to gain weight? What will others think of you?" You become self-conscious immediately, looking down at yourself. You weren't... You thought you looked fine, but was that just arrogance? You weren't really overweight, were you? You could give them the rest of your food- They like your cooking, right? You're good at it, right?
You open your mouth to protest, but she cuts you off. "And those garish clothes... What do you think you're wearing?"
"I- I bought them last week." You explain feebly. "I thought it would look..."
"This is the influence of that Beast Tribe girl, isn't it." Her mouth thins into a disapproving line, and you feel a chill run through you.
"No! I bought this for myself." You protest- It's not about defending yourself anymore. But you can't let her talk that way about Yura. She's your best friend- Surely if you try hard enough your mother can see how great she is. "I wanted to look good, that's all!"
"By flashing the inside of your legs at the world?" She sounds disapproving still.
"No-! It's not that short-!" You feel yourself flush with embarrassment, voice raised in humiliation.
"Do not raise your voice at me, young lady." She cuts you off.
"I- I'm sorry." You bow your head, trying to control your temper. You shouldn't get upset like that, you know. It's your own fault for snapping at your mother like that.
"It's because you spend your time and money on this that your grades have begun to slip." Your mother sits down opposite of you. Your food lies on the table, becoming colder, but you no longer have an appetite for it.
"My grades are fine still, aren't they?"
"Since you've begun playing more with those girls, you've gone down to third place, Aiya."
"That's still a 96% average..." You say feebly, but you know it's not good enough. You knew as soon as you saw that they'd be upset with you, but you'd hoped they could be happy for you having fun with your friends...
"We expect more of you. You know this." Her stare continues burning holes in you, but you can't make eye contact. You can feel your eyes start to burn as you try to hold back tears.
"I- I'm sorry. I thought I could manage both my studies and my friends better..."
"... It is all right, Aiya." She concedes softly, and you blink up in surprise. For a moment, you feel your heart rise up in your chest in hope- Maybe she would say your friends are more important-
"Now that you know this, you know to devote more time to your studies." She continues, and you feel foolish for even hoping. She's right, of course- If you want a decent future, you have to study more. "Your father and I expect nothing less than the best from you. We know you are capable of it. You will spend more time studying and less wasting your money on things that don't suit you."
You nod bitterly, tears stinging at the back of your eyes. But, you have to try to choke them back. "I will. But today, I promised to meet Yura and Araj..."
Your mother gives you a pointed look. "You know which is more important. We can revisit this once you're first place again, but for now, this is final."
You choke out a "Okay, mom" and return to your room quickly, leaving your food downstairs. You can't trust your voice, so you send Yura a text message saying you can't make it after all, and then turn to look in the mirror. The outfit looked so cute on you before, but now, with your mother's words echoing in your head, you can only think about how much it doesn't suit you. Maybe it would look better on someone cuter than you, but what were you thinking, trying this yourself? You should have known this wouldn't work.
You change into more normal clothes for you, a nice shirt and long pants, and then throw your other outfit into the trash, where it belonged. That was stupid of you. But it's okay. You won't make that mistake again. You sit down with your math textbook, and try to wipe the tears out of your eyes. You'll do better. This time, you'll rocket right back to first, and get better clothes, and next time, they'll praise you. That's all you want. You'll definitely, absolutely make them proud.
Notes:With the mirror, it's really obvious whose memory this is, but also, Aiya's mother looks almost exactly like her, just older.
The memory also has the sense all the way through it of just... wanting to be praised. Wanting to make people proud of you. Especially your parents- But from the feelings, it doesn't feel like something that has ever happened before. But you're still desperate for it.
ALSO ADDITIONAL NOTE: The outfit at the start was, in fact, incredibly cute.