Gray Nightingale (Aiya) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
experiencepoints) wrote2015-06-08 10:08 pm
experiencepoints) wrote2015-06-08 10:08 pm
(no subject)
Neuneg: Suffocating.
Regained: Day 151
Haunt/Isabel, Pokemon
Your room is suffocating.
It's the same room you've lived in your whole life, but now that you've lived somewhere else, you can realize how small it is. There's barely any signs that anyone lives there- the books on the desk are the same books they've always been. The only thing to indicate your presence is that the room is a mess- clothes thrown about, dirty dishes left in odd places, and you lying on the bed, not wanting- not able to move. But the room isn't as messy as it could be- because you don't have anything else. Equipment, clothes... Your menu is plugged into the wall next to your bed, but other than that, have you ever owned anything for yourself? Even the computer you own was there for schoolwork. And you can't use it for anything else.
Not that it matters. You have no privacy. Your parents will walk into your room at any time- you've taken to being nocturnal now, when you don't sleep through the night along with the day, so you can be active without them there. But then, you just lie there, not doing anything, because what is there to do? You know your parents have taken your computer for them to use, and they go through your history and saved records on it. And if they saw anything they didn't like, they'd take it away. Just like you're a child. Twenty years old, but still just their useless child who needs discipline.
They woke you up a few minutes ago- mother walking in takling to you about the state of your room (more like talking at you), and how dare you still be in bed it's a couple of hours until dusk, and you haven't turned in any job applications lately, get back to doing that. The longer she talks, the more you feel like you can't breathe- no, you can, you can feel your breath going in and out. It's like your mind is suffocating. Your soul is.
Eventually, you realize you don't know how long you've been just lying here. How long? Hours? Days? You don't even know the date anymore, you only leave your room to go to the kitchen, and then right back. How long has it been since you last saw Yura and Araj? Or spoke to them? But the longer you go on, the harder it is to even try. You can't even look at your menu without a dull throb in your chest. So, you don't.
You don't want to be here. But where do you want to be? There's nowhere for you.
You're suffocating.
Notes: This is after dropping out of college and moving back in with her parents! The empty feeling is back and as strong as ever.
The memory takes place over a few days, but her sense of time is completely fucked so it's hard to tell.
There's just a steady stream of her parents being awful, trying to help by... telling her how bad she's being and how awful it is that she's like this and get up and get out and go do things etc etc.
Also, the 'menu' in this case basically is a phone, too, so that explains that.
Regained: Day 151
Haunt/Isabel, Pokemon
Your room is suffocating.
It's the same room you've lived in your whole life, but now that you've lived somewhere else, you can realize how small it is. There's barely any signs that anyone lives there- the books on the desk are the same books they've always been. The only thing to indicate your presence is that the room is a mess- clothes thrown about, dirty dishes left in odd places, and you lying on the bed, not wanting- not able to move. But the room isn't as messy as it could be- because you don't have anything else. Equipment, clothes... Your menu is plugged into the wall next to your bed, but other than that, have you ever owned anything for yourself? Even the computer you own was there for schoolwork. And you can't use it for anything else.
Not that it matters. You have no privacy. Your parents will walk into your room at any time- you've taken to being nocturnal now, when you don't sleep through the night along with the day, so you can be active without them there. But then, you just lie there, not doing anything, because what is there to do? You know your parents have taken your computer for them to use, and they go through your history and saved records on it. And if they saw anything they didn't like, they'd take it away. Just like you're a child. Twenty years old, but still just their useless child who needs discipline.
They woke you up a few minutes ago- mother walking in takling to you about the state of your room (more like talking at you), and how dare you still be in bed it's a couple of hours until dusk, and you haven't turned in any job applications lately, get back to doing that. The longer she talks, the more you feel like you can't breathe- no, you can, you can feel your breath going in and out. It's like your mind is suffocating. Your soul is.
Eventually, you realize you don't know how long you've been just lying here. How long? Hours? Days? You don't even know the date anymore, you only leave your room to go to the kitchen, and then right back. How long has it been since you last saw Yura and Araj? Or spoke to them? But the longer you go on, the harder it is to even try. You can't even look at your menu without a dull throb in your chest. So, you don't.
You don't want to be here. But where do you want to be? There's nowhere for you.
You're suffocating.
Notes: This is after dropping out of college and moving back in with her parents! The empty feeling is back and as strong as ever.
The memory takes place over a few days, but her sense of time is completely fucked so it's hard to tell.
There's just a steady stream of her parents being awful, trying to help by... telling her how bad she's being and how awful it is that she's like this and get up and get out and go do things etc etc.
Also, the 'menu' in this case basically is a phone, too, so that explains that.